Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
