You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am midnight drunk by noon
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
