I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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