clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
