Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
