in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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