Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
