Nicole vs. Life
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
