I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He shit in the fireplace
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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