Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
