State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
