I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
