You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
