So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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