I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
