I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
