I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
