Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
