we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
