**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
