I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
