why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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