You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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