WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize