So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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