my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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