so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
