I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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