So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
