I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
