he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
