There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
