i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
