How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
