Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
