Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize