Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
