whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
