I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
