using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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