at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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