Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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