I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
