There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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