i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize