I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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