No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
