Need sex. Gaining weight.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
