I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
