I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
