this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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