Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
