where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
