I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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