just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
