so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
