Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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