I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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