Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
