Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
