my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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