mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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