I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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