he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
