i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
