Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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