someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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