Where did you get a picture of my penis
i think my mom watched the whole time
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
