Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
